Uncle Podger Goes on Holiday

continued from No. 22

Characters:

Uncle Podger;
Aunt Maria
Children: Tom, Ann, Will, Jim

Setting: Гостиная. На стене висят несколько картин. Стол и шесть стульев. Небольшая тумбочка с выдвижным ящиком, в котором лежит бумага и карандаш. За кулисами два чемодана (маленький и большой). Утро. Дядюшка Поджер сидит за столом и пьет чай. Входит тетушка Мария с газетой.

Aunt Maria: Good morning, Podger. How are you? It’s a lovely morning! Your newspaper! Here it is. (Протягивает газету дядюшке, садится за стол и готовит себе чай. Дядюшка раскрывает газету и просматривает ее.)

Uncle Podger: (Помешивая чай.) I can’t say I’m very well. You know, Mary, I like a cup of strong tea in the morning. But my tea isn’t strong enough and I dare say it gets weaker and weaker every day!

Aunt Maria: Strong tea is bad for your health, dear.

Uncle Podger: I’m sure only strong tea makes a man healthy and strong. (Часы бьют девять.) But I have no time for tea. (Вскакивает со стула и бежит к выходу.) I’ll be late for the nine-fifteen train!

Aunt Maria: There is nothing to worry about, darling. You don’t need to hurry. Your holiday starts today.

Uncle Podger: Thank God! How could I forget? (Возвращается на место и с облегчением вздыхает) At last I have a holiday. I’m very tired and I need a holiday so much!

Aunt Maria: That’s right. I think you deserve a rest, and a week in Scotland will be very good for you.

Uncle Podger: Oh, yes! Then I want to pack my things right now! Well, let me see … (Встает и начинает ходит по комнате) Always before beginning to pack I should make a list. I learned it myself years ago from my Dad. Take a piece of paper and …

Aunt Maria: … And a pencil?

Uncle Podger: A pencil or a pen! Take something to write with. You can’t write with your finger, Maria, can you?

Aunt Maria: Of course, I can’t!

Uncle Podger: And don’t interrupt me! I mean … take a piece of paper, and put down on it everything you can possibly require.

Aunt Maria: Aaa… I see. (Выходит из-за стола и достает карандаш и бумагу из тумбочки, возвращается к столу, начинает писать.)

Uncle Podger: (Задумчиво, растягивая слова.) Let me imagine myself in bed. What have I got on?

Aunt Maria: Pajamas.

Входят Анна и Вилл.

Will: Good morning! What are you doing, Aunt?

Ann: Morning! How are you? But what are you writing, Aunt?

Aunt Maria: I’m making the list of things your Uncle will possibly require when he is in Scotland.

Ann: Can I help you? Two heads are better than one!

Will: Three heads are better than two! Don’t you agree?

Aunt Maria: …and four heads are better than three!

Входят Джим и Том.

Jim: Hello! I suppose five heads are better than four!

Tom: Good morning! And six heads ….

Uncle Podger: (Дядюшка Поджер машет руками и перебивает Тома) No, no! That’s enough! Too many cooks spoil the broth! My goodness! We can’t go on like this! Why can’t you just leave me alone and let me concentrate?

Tom: Each of us may give you a good piece of advice, Uncle!

Aunt Maria: Keep the noise down, will you. Sit down and have your tea. (Дети усаживаются за стол, расставляют чашки и наливают чай.) Let’s go on, Podger. Well, pajamas …

Uncle Podger: (Обращаясь к детям.) And stop smiling. Be serious. (Обращаясь к тетушке.) Pajamas…Very well. Put it down – together with a change.

Небольшая пауза. Дети пьют чай, тихо переговариваются и хихикают.

Uncle Podger: You get up. What do you do?

Tom: I put my slippers on.

Uncle Podger: (Строго смотрит на детей.) Very well. Maria, put slippers down on the list. What do you do next?

Ann: Wash myself.

Uncle Podger: What do you wash yourself with?

Ann: Soap.

Uncle Podger: Okay! Put down soap. Then …

Ann: What about a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste?

Uncle Podger: Can you possibly do without them? (Подходит близко к Джиму и говорит ему.) I know most children don’t like to brush their teeth.

Jim: (Обиженно и немного грубо.) I brush my teeth twice a day and never forget!

Uncle Podger: All right! All right! There is no need to lose your temper! Then …

Ann: Then take your clothes.

Uncle Podger: What do I begin with?

Will: Begin at your feet. What do you wear on your feet?

Jim: Boots, shoes, trainers, moccasins, sandals, flip-flops…

Tom: Do you think Uncle is going to take all the shoes he has? Then he has to pack a few bags.

Will: But he is not sure which of them can be possibly required or he can possibly do without.

Uncle Podger: Well, and then put down all of them. It’s extremely important to take everything you may need.

Tom: Don’t forget anything!

Ann: And socks!

Jim: It’s easy to overlook a small detail like that!

Aunt Maria: Yes, it is! So I am writing: “socks”.

Uncle Podger: Work up till you get to your head.

Will: That’s right! Jeans, trousers, shorts. What else?

Ann: A jacket, a coat …

Uncle Podger: H’m! A jacket or a coat?

Tom: Put them down on the list. When the list has been made, you’ll see what suits you better.

Ann: A sweater, a jumper, a pullover.

Jim: Shirts and T-shirts.

Uncle Podger: And head …

Jim: A hat, a cap, a panama, a sombrero …

Will: Don’t forget a top hat!

Uncle Podger: Oh, very funny, Will, ha-ha. Stop joking. Let’s go on, Mary.

Aunt Maria: What else do you want besides clothes?

Uncle Podger: A little brandy; put it down. Err … A corkscrew; put it down. Put down every thing, and then you don’t forget anything.

Aunt Maria: I think we’ve finished with it.

Uncle Podger: Fine, the list has been made at last. Now we go over it carefully to see that we did not forget anything. (Берет список и начинает очень тихо читать его.)

Jim: We didn’t forget anything, did we?

Tom: No, we didn’t.

Uncle Podger: (Вскакивает и кладет список в газету.) We forgot about a suitcase! Where is a suitcase?

Aunt Maria: It’s over there in the hall.

Вилл уходит со сцены за чемоданом и вскоре возвращается.

Will: This one? But I think it’s too small.

Aunt Maria: There is a bigger one.

Jim: Where is it?

Aunt Maria: It’s in the hall, as well.

Джим уходит со сцены за чемоданом и вскоре возвращается.

Jim: This one?

Will: This suitcase is much bigger, isn’t it?

Jim: I think it’s big enough for you, Uncle.

Tom: Yes, that one is much smaller.

Ann: You’re right. This one is better.

Джим крутит большой чемодан в руках. Вилл оставляет маленький чемодан, подходит к Джиму и берет из его рук большой чемодан.

Will: But it is heavy!

Том берет маленький чемодан, подходит к Виллу, берет большой чемодан, держит оба чемодана и сравнивает их.

Tom: It’s much heavier than the smaller one.

Uncle Podger: It doesn’t matter. I’m strong enough. Okay! Well, now we go over the list again, and cross out everything I can possibly do without. And you, children, bring all the things according to the list and help me to pack them, please. But where is the list? I put it on the table a few minutes ago.

Все начинают ходить по сцене и искать список, заглядывая во все уголки комнаты. Списка нигде нет.

Aunt Maria: Oh, good gracious! Where is it?

Ann: Where can it be?

Tom: You didn’t put it on the table, I’m sure!

Will: It may have fallen down.

Jim: It must be in your pocket, Uncle!

Uncle Podger: I didn’t put it into my pocket!

Aunt Maria: Some evil forces must have appeared again!

Занавес.