Главная страница «Первого сентября»Главная страница журнала «Английский язык»Содержание №17/2009

Kids say the darndest things...

– You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit.

If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

– There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

– Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let people know they’re there.

– The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things, like when people forget to put the top on.

– Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

* Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

* Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

* Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.

* When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

* One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

* A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

* The future of “I give” is “I take.”

* The parts of speech are lungs and air.

* The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

* Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

* (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

* A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

* The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

* A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

* Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

– The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

– The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

– We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

– A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

* One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

* To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

* The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

* The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

* Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

* The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

– Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

– The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

– In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

– Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

– In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

– A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

Compiled by Erin Bouma