Mind Your Manners: Etiquette for Schoolchildren Travelling Abroad

Every year, a lot of schoolchildren from Russia travel to England and other countries. They are heading for holidays across Europe or enter some summer courses of English. They stay in hotels or with a host family.
Russian teenagers probably remember to say “Please,” “Excuse me” and “Thank you,” but there are lots of other social rules that children (and certainly grown-ups) should be aware of. Here are some of them from “Oops! The Manners Guide” by Nancy Holyoke. The rules were written for American pre-teens, but they will suit Russian schoolchildren as well.

Dear pre-teens and teenagers,
The most important thing to guide your manners is the “Golden Rule”: Treat others as you would want to be treated. By minding your manners, your friends and other kids will look up to you, and adults will be impressed with your maturity.

On the telephone

When you answer the telephone or call someone, it is important to remember the tips listed below:
• Never call before 7 a.m. on weekdays or before 9:30 a.m. on weekends or after 9 p.m. to make sure you are not disturbing people who might be sleeping.
• If you know that a family eats dinner at a certain time, do not call at that time so you do not disrupt them.
• When you call up a friend and someone in their family answers the phone, introduce yourself and say,
"Hi, this is Julia. May I please speak to Katie?" And always remember to say thank you!
• If you leave a message, wait until after the beep, and make sure you leave your name, your phone number and your reason for calling.
• If you accidentally dial the wrong number, just say that you dialed incorrectly and apologize, and then hang up.
• Even though it can be funny and entertaining, don’t make prank calls (не устраивайте розыгрыши по телефону). They are disruptive and annoying to others.
• If you answer the phone, just say, "Hello," and wait for the speaker to introduce himself or herself.
• If you answer the phone when no one else is in the house, don’t tell the caller you are home alone. Simply say the person with whom they wish to speak cannot come to the phone.
• If the caller asks to speak to someone who is not home, ask if you can take a message or if he or she would like to be called back. If the caller asks to be called back, make sure you ask for his or her phone number.
• Don’t interrupt someone while they are talking. This goes for all conversations, not just on the phone.

Cell phone etiquette

Sometimes, people talking on cell phones forget that they are around other people and pretend they are just chatting at home. Many of the same guidelines for talking on a regular telephone also apply to cell phone users. Below are some rules for talking on your cell phone:
• Just like with a regular telephone, you cannot call someone’s cell phone at any time. Don’t call too early in the morning or too late at night.
• If you are going somewhere where it is quiet, such as church, the movies, a restaurant, or for dinner at a friend’s house, set the ringer as low as possible or put your phone on vibrate.
• Turn your phone off at school. Some schools may even take your cell phone away if it is used during school hours.
• Don’t answer your phone if it is not appropriate. Use your judgment to decide whether or not it is OK to answer your phone, or if you should let it go to voicemail. If you are talking to someone, let the other call go to voicemail.
• If it is not appropriate to be on your cell phone but you are expecting an important call, set the ringer on low or vibrate, and politely excuse yourself when it rings. Explain that it is an important call, and apologize.
• Never shout into your phone. Not everyone around you needs to know that you are mad at your mom or what time you need to be picked up. Be respectful of those around you.
• If you are around other people when you answer your phone, move away and take the call in private. You do not need to involve others in the call.
• Never use your cell phone on an airplane; it can interfere with other electrical equipment on the plane.
• If you are at home or with your family, make a decision whether or not it is appropriate to talk to your friends. Set boundaries. If you are at the dinner table, it is probably not a good idea to answer your cell phone.

If you have a camera phone:
• Never take pictures of people without first asking their permission.
• Don’t send picture messages before asking, because they are expensive and the person who receives the picture message has to pay for it.
• Never take pictures on airplanes. Even though you are not making a call, your phone still searches for a signal, and it can interfere with electrical equipment on the plane.

In public

This means anywhere not in your house, including at school, out with your parents or just on the street.
• If you are with a group of people, don’t take up the entire sidewalk (тротуар).
• If someone bumps into you or if you hit someone, say "Excuse me" or "Sorry."
• Remember that everyone is different, and no one deserves to be made fun of, so never point or stare at people.
• Never throw your trash (мусор) on the ground. Use the public trash and recycle bins.
• If you go into a store and ask for something, say "Please" and always thank the cashier.
• If someone says "Have a nice day," respond with, "Thank you. You too."
• If you answer the phone, just say, "Hello," and wait for the speaker to introduce himself or herself.
• If you are on a busy street and run into someone you know or just have to tie your shoe, make sure you step off to the side so you are not in the way of other people.
• If you meet someone for the first time, shake his or her hand and say "Nice to meet you."
• When someone holds a door for you, remember to thank him or her. It is also polite to hold doors for others, especially people in wheelchairs or on crutches, or someone with a stroller.
• If you are on a bus and someone comes on who might need a seat (for example, if they have a baby, or are elderly or injured), offer your seat to him or her.
• Before you get into an elevator, let the people who have arrived at their floor get off first.

At the table

When you are at the table at home, at the school lunch table or at a restaurant, practice these tips, and all of the adults will be impressed.
• Do not put your elbows on the table.
• Help set the table. A traditional table setting has the napkin and fork to the left of the plate, and the knife (the blade facing the plate), the spoon and the cup to the right of the plate.
• Fancier table settings can include many different forks and knives and spoons for different courses. Just remember that the utensil (обеденный прибор) furthest from the plate is for the first course (блюда), and moving towards the plate for the later courses.

• Finish chewing and swallowing before you start talking. Try not to chew with your mouth open.
• Eat with your silverware (ножами и вилками), not your hands (unless it is finger food).
• If you cannot reach something, politely ask someone else at the table to hand it to you; don’t reach for it.
• If you are at a fancy restaurant, put you napkin on your lap
• Don’t play with your food.
• If you have to sneeze, cover your mouth with your napkin and say, "Excuse me."
• If you spill something, help clean it up.
• Sit tall and interact with the other people at the table.
• If you are at home or a guest at someone’s house, help clear the table once the meal is finished.
• Before you leave the table, make sure the meal is finished and it is appropriate to leave.

When playing sports

Sports, whether played in your backyard, at the park, at school or on a team, can bring out the competitive side of people. Manners are important in sports to make sure that no one’s feelings get hurt.
• Never be more aggressive than is necessary.
• If you hit someone during the game, apologize after the play is over and ask them if they are OK.
• If someone falls down, help him or her back up.
• Don’t be a sore loser. Think about what you could do differently next time, and stay calm and polite. Congratulate the other team or players, and tell them they played well.
• If you do win, don’t brag (не бахвалься). It is fine to be happy that you won, but don’t celebrate in a way that hurts anyone’s feelings. It might be best to wait until you get off the field or court to start enjoying the win.
• Always thank your coach and the referees.
• Shake hands with your opponent at the end of the game.
• If the national anthem (национальный гимн) plays, stand up, take off you hat and turn towards the flag.

Thank you notes and invitations

Every time you receive a gift, it is important to write a thank you note, and the more personal the note is, the better.
• Write a thank you note as soon as possible after receiving a gift, such as the day you’re given the gift so you don’t forget.
• Even if you did not particularly like the gift, it is still necessary to thank the person who gave it to you. Do not lie in the note, but thank the person for thinking of you and tell him or her it was thoughtful to give you a gift.
• Always make the note personal. You should start by thanking the person for the gift, and then mention why you like it.
• Say a few things about why you like the gift. If a relative gave you the gift, ask the person a few questions.
• Always end your note by saying "Thanks again."
• If you are thanking everyone from your party, do not write them all the same note. It is perfectly fine to repeat lines, but everyone gave you a different gift and deserves a personal note.

When you make an invitation, make sure it includes everything the guests need to know so that they do not have to keep calling to ask something you left out.
• It is always better to mail the invites than to e-mail them.
• Always include the following information in an invitation: the type of party (for example, a birthday or surprise party), who the party is for, where and where the party is taking place, and to whom and by when the invitee should RSVP (просьба ответить – пометка на приглашениях). Also, include any other information the invitee might need to know, such as directions to the party.

On the computer

When you are talking to someone in person or on the phone, they can see the emotion on your face or hear it in your voice. When you type something, the person reading it does not know the attitude behind the words on the screen, so it is important to follow these e-mail guidelines.
• Never type in all capital letters, as the other person might think you are shouting or being mean.
• Always proofread (перечитывай) your work to check for typos or grammar mistakes, especially if it is an important e-mail.
• If it is a formal e-mail to an adult or someone important, capitalize at the beginning of a sentence, and do not use abbreviations.
• Be respectful. Do not share other’s personal information or your own personal information. Make sure you are safe (link to internet safety article).
• Keep your note brief and to-the-point.
• Fill in the subject section at the top of the e-mail.
• If you get junk e-mail (ненужное сообщение, спам), just delete it. It is probably not best to forward it to others, because it can be annoying and clog up (засорять) their e-mail.
Hand-written notes are more personal than e-mails, so if possible, don’t use e-mail for something such as a thank you note or an invitation.

At other people’s houses

Although your family may not be strict about matters, you never know how other families feel, so follow these guidelines when you are not at home.
• Take your hat off when you enter a house or building, unless it is part of your outfit (экипировка) and is more formal and dress-up.
• If no one else in the house is wearing shoes, take your shoes off, especially if they are really dirty or wet.
• When at a friend’s house, don’t leave your friend and go off on your own.
• Unless you know the family well, wait for them to offer you something to eat or drink; don’t help yourself.
• After dinner, bring your plate into the kitchen.
• If you sleep over at a friend’s house and you and your friend stay up late, keep quiet so you do not wake others in the house. If they hear you all night, they might not invite you back.

Greeting or introducing someone

A first impression is a lasting impression. Every time you greet adults, you should follow these rules.
• Look them in the eye.
• Stand up, even if it is not your first time meeting them.
• Shake their hand (always put out your right hand).
• Say some sort or greeting, such as, "Nice to see you, Ms. Smith."
• When introducing two people to each other, say the person’s name and how you know them.
• When addressing someone, call a man "Mr.," a woman who is married "Mrs." and a woman who is not married "Miss” or “Ms”.
Unless an adult tells you to call him or her by just his or her first name, address this person as Mr. or Mrs.

In other parts of the world

What is polite in your country may not be respectful in another country. Here are some world manners in which to be aware.
People always use silverware in Holland, sometimes even to eat bread.
In Asia, instead of greeting people with a handshake, people bow to each other. The person with a lower status bows lower.
In America, it is polite to look someone in the eye when they are speaking to you, but in some other countries, it is seen as rude to stare someone in the eye when they are speaking.
In America, it is common to whistle while you are clapping, but in other parts of the world, this whistling is seen as rude.
In America, shaking your head up and down means “yes” and shaking it side to side means “no.” In parts of the Middle East, it is the other way around.
In Japan, you are supposed to use chopsticks when you eat. Meals usually consist of several larger platters for sharing, instead of individual meals for each person. If you have used your chopsticks, serve yourself food using the opposite end from which you ate.
In England, people are more respectful of others in public. They do not push their way through lines and do not make rude comments about others. They also drive on the left side of the road, whereas in the United States, people drive on the right side of the road.
In Ghana, it would seem rude if you did not greet and ask the person how they are doing. In many societies, we are taught to not be so friendly with strangers. However, in Ghana, it is rude not to make contact with strangers.

Just remember: It takes a while to learn good manners, and no one expects you to be perfect and remember everything you are taught. Simply try to be on your best behavior and use good manners; you will impress your friends, family and strangers. They might even forget that you are just a pre-teen or teenager!