Главная страница «Первого сентября»Главная страница журнала «Английский язык»Содержание №19/2002

YES

Seven Rules for Good Liar

Nowadays everybody seems to lie. Sometimes it is a white lie; sometimes lies become an important part of a person’s life. People also do it for fun or in order to play a trick on a person. Group lies also take place. Some people lie skillfully, some not. But what is the best way to be a “professional” liar? Here are some tips for a newcomer to the world of lies.

1) Never invent something unreal – it might work only once. I had a friend who always made up stories which just couldn’t take place in the ordinary world. For example, once she confessed that she had met a Martian and that was why she was late for work. Another time she told us a story of having been taken away by an UFO. These worked once or twice, but quite soon she was fired.

2) Never repeat the same lie. The story about the rescued old lady will not work every time you tell it, even if you change the place and the name.

3) Try not to make up heroic deeds. People seem more often to believe in the stories of broken buses, traffic jams, car crashes or stuck lifts, rather than in stories about helping a policeman to catch a thief or a fire brigade to put out a fire.

4) Do not invent any horrible things connected with health. It is common knowledge that any thought is material. My cousin once lied that her daughter broke her leg and the very next day her child had to be sent to hospital with a broken leg and an injured arm, because she was run over by a car.

5) If you decide to use your poor health as a reason to skip lessons (or as a reason for not being ready with the homework, or just the cause for leaving work early) stick to your role to the very end. It seems rather funny when people talk to their bosses in a harsh low voice, complaining of their poor state of health, the rainy weather and the draughts, and the very next moment in the corridor they yell at the top of their voices at a person for pushing them or stepping on a foot.

6) Never smile or laugh while telling a lie. Try to keep from making gestures. If you can’t stop moving your hands or putting them to your face, leave them in your pockets. Gestures and facial expressions usually tell that the person is lying.

7) Practice well before telling a lie. See if it works on other people. Be sure of yourself, as if you were telling the truth. If you don’t sound convincing, and make long pauses after each sentence, people will never believe you.

These are some basic rules to be a good liar. I would just add that if you want to have many friends, to be successful in your career, and not get into stupid situations, try not to lie. Lies often come out in the moment you are not expecting them. If you lie too often, people will pay you back and you will never be respected in any society. Remember, that the truth will make the punishment less strong, and a lie will only make any person angrier. And the main thing is that if you lie in order to play a trick on the person, you will come to a bad end like in the fable about the boy, who cried: “Wolf!” all the time. Do you remember what happened to him in the end? He was eaten by the wolf!

By Kassy M., MCPU, 3rd year student